Planting Seeds
By Molly (Author’s name has been changed)
While my students quietly worked on solving their math assignment, I suddenly had this strong epiphany.
“How did I get here?” I thought to myself.
Two years ago I couldn’t even find this country on a map. I didn’t even know this people group existed, and I was honestly a bit afraid of them. Even with this awe and disbelief in my mind, I couldn’t deny the intense love that I felt for the kids sitting in front of me. It was a sight that I had never imagined. I didn’t understand how I had ended up here, but I knew without a doubt that I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world at that moment.
I’ve come to realize that the love that I feel for these refugee students is too strong to come from myself. It’s all encompassing, unconditional, and unexplainable.
God has touched my heart with the love that He has for these people, and it is both a gift and a burden. It is a gift because feeling God’s love for these children gives me a glimpse into how God loves me as well.
My love for them doesn’t depend on how well they behave in my class or how they do on their exams. It’s funny how the students that push my buttons the most are the ones that I feel an especially deep love for. God shows me the brokenness that causes them to grasp for any attention they can get, even if it’s negative attention. I know I am far too selfish and impatient to muster up this deep love, so it must come from our Heavenly Father.
On the other hand, feeling a God-sized love for these children can feel like a burden because these children don’t follow Jesus (yet), and my longing for their salvation becomes a weight on my heart. If I’m not careful (which has been common lately) I can fool myself into thinking that bringing them to salvation is solely my responsibility. Lately I’ve been operating on my own strength, my own timeline, and my own desires. I keep thinking, “God, I know you are all powerful and in control of all things, so what are you waiting for? Why don’t I see you moving in this community?” This quickly led me to frustration and exhaustion.
As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 3:6-8, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor.”
Maybe God is using me to plant the seed of the Gospel, or as the one who waters their faith through encouragement, or maybe even the one who reaps the harvest of their salvation, but I am not the one who makes their faith grow.
If I’m not careful, I can think that I am the one that makes it grow. I can fool myself into thinking that my timeline and my strategy are the best and only way, and that’s when this God-sized love becomes a burden that it’s not meant to be. I am only meant to do my part according to God’s instruction as the Master Gardener. If I try any more than that I will quickly burn out and potentially damage the faith of those I long to bless.
I’ve been here for years now, and I still have so much to learn. Right now I need to learn to steward my love for my students well. I need to lay down my expectations and seek God’s will everyday. I need to trust that He is working even if I can’t see it, and perhaps I should channel any feelings of desperation or frustration into prayer for my people group and for God’s Kingdom to grow.
At PenHOP we often pray, “Lord give us your heart for the nations,” but what would happen when He answers that prayer?
Love evokes a response. It calls the lover to action.
Are you ready to act? Or perhaps the better question is “Are you ready to surrender your will and wait on God’s instruction for your action?” Partnering with our Heavenly Father to build his Kingdom isn’t just love + action. It’s love + surrender + action + repeat.
I pray that you will be ready when God downloads a God-sized love into your heart.