More Than a Master

by Ted Kim

I was a hard worker at church, but I wasn't a true worshiper. After leaving Korea to settle in Penang, I got involved with PenHOP and was able to worship God more intensively. Back when I was in Korea, I’ve always made the excuse that I couldn’t concentrate on worship because of the busyness of ministry.

However, after I began to attend worship services without any obligation for ministry, I found that I couldn’t lean on that excuse anymore – I had every opportunity to focus more on God, with my heart emptied of other things.

After a few months of attending PenHOP, I realized that I was not a worshiper who focused only on God (like Mary of Bethany), even though I worked really hard serving in the church for 15 years in Korea. Just as I had always worked hard serving the church since I was young, I continued with the same habit even after becoming a minister. I thought that I could prove my loyalty as a servant by being a hard-working minister who simply maintains a good relationship with God.

But God wanted to be my Father, not just my Master.

While it is true that He is my Master, He wanted me to be a son who understood His Father’s heart and to have a deep relationship with Him. In my ignorance of His love, I labored too hard, not being able to understand the Father's heart and mind. At that time, I had an unperceived identity issue. I believe that it is important to work hard to do His will, but I realized that loving Him with my heart, will, strength, and sincerity is what He really wanted.

“But God wanted to be my Father, not just my Master.”

As I’m writing all this, I’m reminded of my relationship with my own children.

When my children were younger, our family was always short financially. During one of those days, my son asked me to buy different things for him. I was a little upset at him for not understanding his father's circumstances. At around the same time, I also found out that my daughter decided to not sign up for an event at school. When I asked her why she didn't apply for it, she said that it would cost money. She was such a wonderful daughter, but as a father, I wanted my daughter to be like my son. As my daughter, I wanted her to not think too much about her father’s circumstances and have confidence in asking from me. It was heartbreaking to see the look in her eyes at that time.

This is the life of a worshipper. God is a good, good father. He is a giver who desires to give us good things.

Since I discovered all this, it has led me to a deep concern for my identity as a son, and my main interest in life now is to have a relationship with God as my Father. As a true worshiper, the most important thing is for me to strengthen and nourish a close relationship with Him in His presence.

I came to a revelation concerning intimacy with God: separating our reverential life from our normal, "secular" lives leads us to have a narrow worldview of what worship is, therefore, transforming us into a dualistic worshiper.

Some of us have this expectation that pious prayers – said by pious people – are more special than ordinary prayers by ordinary people. This only makes it more difficult for us to walk with God intimately in our everyday lives. Intimacy with God becomes powerful when it happens in our daily, normal lives, not just during “special, spiritual times”.

Our daily lives are still a series of sinful, fragile, and failing events, therefore we need more intimacy with God. Distinguished piety would only result in the diminishing of God's authority in our lives. So, experience Him in your daily life.

To do that, you need to train yourself to not neglect the Holy Spirit in your worship. Simply let go of the things that grieve the Holy Spirit and seek His presence through His love. This is our faith, hope and love. Intimacy with God requires the unconditional faith that God watches over us even when there is no proof. 

My wife and I are in Malaysia. Our children are grown and are in Korea now, away from us. It's been over five years already, and for two years, my wife and I have not been able to see them face-to-face due to COVID-19. Now that we are not able to see each other, it has become a relationship where we miss and care for each other more and more.

The lack of the in-person, physical connection has allowed us to be more eager to see each other, and with that, our relationship is made stronger. We wait for the day when we can finally meet, but for now, we pray for each other that we may continue to have loving hearts.

We cannot see our God. But like a deer that thirsts for water, our thirst for God makes us yearn for His presence more.

Faith allows us to experience Him even deeper when we truly love Him. Therefore, to exercise faith, hope, and love in our lives, we must use our own will that God has given us. God gave us free will because He wanted us to worship and walk with Him freely. We must use that will to seek God solely. If we show our will, God will show us His grace. We have to apply this habit in our everyday lives. This is called intimacy with God.

I'm a minister. But before the ministry, my family and my life, the most important thing is the relationship that I have with God. God is my good Father and wants me to surrender myself to Him rather than giving anything else to Him or taking anything else with me. The knowledge of this makes me want to live a life that seeks God and God only.